After making a recent post, a certain Dragon and I began an in-depth discussion regarding the topic of race. As we tossed different beliefs and observations around, his loyal readers made comments—one by one. After viewing the comments, I noticed that they all fell in one of three categories.
Category 1: Bloggers who shared stories detailing a life event that included
their encounter with someone of the opposite race…
Category 2: Bloggers who avoided the topic completely—by making
“light” comments or cliché observations suggesting that color
doesn’t matter”…
Category 3: Bloggers who confessed to living a former life of intolerance
or disbelief that intolerance existed—until something (e.g. a friend, relocation, relationship, etc.) changed their mind…
In TABOO, The Dragon documents an interaction with another blogger that left him with strong feelings of annoyance. In his journey to capture a new audience, as usual, he left a comment and classically referred to the blogger as “brotha”. To the Dragon’s surprise, he developed an urge to spit fire when the blogger responded to his comment by clarifying his race and stating that he wasn’t “black”. Which brings us to this post…
The Dragon’s point in the post was, whether intentional or not, if Race is the topic of discussion something is ALWAYS said to rub people the wrong way—and I believe that can be proven by reviewing some of the comments left in his post.
As mentioned earlier, each of the comments (mine included) fall into one of the three previously mentioned categories. I believe the reason for that comes down to one specific concept: Social Desirability. You see, few people want to be thought of as a bigot or an overly sensitive minority when discussing Race. So, naturally, when the conversation comes up in “mixed company” (i.e. people of various racial/ethnic groups)—we tend to give socially desirable answers. Not only does it make sense—it’s quite common.
For those whose comments fall in Category 1: Subconsciously, the commenter is saying, “You see, I know people of “X” race and I liked them…so I’m not a bigot/racist/overly sensitive minority”. While this defense is common, it can be seen as a way to separate themselves from others in their racial/ethnic group. Those falling in Category 2: May be more accustomed to participating in superficial conversations on the subject; thus, making them overly cautious when making a comment. This, in turn, leads them to trying to “lighten up” the conversation—or pretend it’s a moot point to discuss. Those who fall in Category 3: can be our teachers. Although these may be people who inadvertently make questionable comments, these are also the people being the most honest with their comments. Their comments, if addressed by the right person (in the right way)—can be used as a catalyst to better understanding between racial groups.
So, the point of this post is simple. Race is a truly a touchy topic. Some of us have the luxury of discussing it when the topic arises in a blog post or break room. Others of us are forced to contend with this touchy topic from the moment they get off the elevator at work…till they return home and park their vehicles in front of their home.
Regardless of how you come across the topic, it’s one well worth exploring honestly.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
TABOO: THE SEQUEL
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26 comments:
Ok.. I guess I was in the first category. But a post like his WAS hard to comment on.
Erm your right that i fit into number 2, but i really did mean that i hadn't even thought about what colour Dragon was, as i am a relatively new reader to his blog. because someones colour,race doesnt matter to me, i am white and get to say that having had no problems before(i hope that doesnt sound daft). Oh dear i am going to have to think more next time i comment on race. Does that mean i will never have reason to comment?Is it case of until you walk in these shoes?
The only experience i have had regarding racism is protecting friends of mine or in arguments with the ignorant.
Clairex
Skittles: You're right. It was a VERY difficult topic to comment on--for all of us. If it makes you feel any better...I was in category 1 also... :(
crpitt: You don't sound foolish at all! In fact, I think you made an honest statement by admitting that you haven't encountered any real situations that would make race an issue for you. I think dialogues like the ones we're having helps to bring about an awareness that we're usually too afraid to explore.
Thanks i felt a bit daft, but your right about opening up a dialogue! especially if i am going to be a counselor, i need to open and honest about things that i haven't got any real experience with.
Thats why i am off to work in an homeless hostel for a bit, so i can see first hand drug and alcohol problems.
New homework is up!
Clairex
You psychologist-types are too much! You forgot category four, folks who made a joke out of it that no one got! Oh well, I was sleepy....
I think I fell into category 2 with my comment, but I'm don't think that I said that it doesn't matter. One of the interesting things to me about blogging is that I can do that. I get myself into these kind of conversations all the time, just not on blogs. Blogging is a place where I am free to exist without an image of me. I like that. A lot.
i tried to tell you (plural) that it's a touchy topic, but noooooooooo. So, since i started the conversation, which category do i fall into?
My hope was to be like Mist and remain somewhat of a mystery but i guess over time, i gave myself away. Oh well. But we all have our own kinds of "issues" and prejudices when it comes to race whether we acknowledge them or not.
And i'll just leave it at that.
I gave you a HUGE Shout Out today :)
Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I hope you're somewhere relaxing; doing something relevent to the "Spirit" of the Day. Congrats on your sequel. I'm not sure which category I fall into; let me explore briefly: grew up in Newark, NJ;98% Black high school; went to all girl, predominantly white college; experienced racism on basic levels - musical preferences, keg-parties (all-white and I don't drink beer),so no social life, I had to travel to another state to "PARTY";don't even go to hair products, etc.; so I guess what I'm asking is: "what category do I fit into?" Have a wonderful day. Love you, mick
I haven't read this post yet...I'm playing catch up. But I will say that living where I live I encounter racism on a basic level ALL the time and it just disgusts me. I posted on some racial issues a while back on my blog. I'm surprised at how hyper-sensitive my students (white and black alike) are about some things...it's like the school was desegregated yesterday rather than over 40 years ago. But I guess when you grow up in an area that is so segregated and racism is so rampant they're quick to jump to conclusions about people and the things people say.
I'm depressed...I just responded to everyone's comments and lost it on this stupid computer at work...I'll try again after I finish crying...
I guess I tended toward the light side, just trying to toss out ideas of why the guy said what he said, but I don't think that's avoiding the topic.
I can't say I had a past to 'fess up to or an aha! moment to share.
I'm very results-oriented so if I'm going to pigeon-hole people, it's typically into groups like slacker, dependable, over-achiever more than race or anything else.
I have to raise a question about comments. Do you think the way comments break down is more about form than content? I mean, given any topic, not just race, don't people respond in fairly set ways?
If I do a posting about dogs and people want to participate in the dialogue, they are going to share personal, anecdotal experience, offer a light comment, or confess to a prejudice toward dogs, one way or another. I just don't think these responses were based on race, but rather a way that blog writers respond in general.
I've now read and commented on the Dragon's taboo post, and I guess I would fall into category 2. I wasn't really trying to keep things light...in fact I wish people could have more open and honest discussions about such things. It's not that I'm saying race doesn't matter...I'm saying it SHOULDN'T matter.
Plus...I would have never picked up "brotha" being a black/white thing.
I just got here, so I didn't comment on the original, but I guess I have fallen into all three categories at one time or another. I grew up in a very bigoted household, so I was a racist child, until I damn near drowned in the bay, and a little black kid pulled me out. When I took him home with me my father yelled, "Get that [insert N word] out of my house." I felt real shame over that, and I think it led to me becoming part of the civil-rights movement in the 1960s. In those days i knew Roy Innes (CORE) and Stokely Carmichael (SNCC). I met Dr. King on several occasions in my work as a member of the steering committee for Vietnam Summer. His position on nonviolence influenced me to steer clear of the violent wing of the new left, such as the weather faction. On the day he died, we lost a national treasure. So I don't know where I fit into your categories. In remembrance of today, I blogged the text of 'I Have a Dream'. His words were far superior to anything I could say.
Hi Guys...I'm home from work.
Sorry for the delay--had some technical difficulties at work...let's see if I recreate the the comments I made earlier--before they got lost in cyber space...
Paz: Ummm...I don't think there's a need to create category 4 because you fit perfectly in category 2. You avoided the topic completely by getting caught up in a detail of the Dragon's story...or if it was a "bad joke", like you said...that means you decided to approach the topic by trying to "lighten" it up...which puts you in which category again... :)
Mist: I agree with you. Blogging is great because it's the only place where you can present what you want people to know about you. You can be as real as you want...about the things that you want...with no questions asked. My observed categories are not "clinically-based", rather they were me observing how people chose to deal with a very complex topic. As usual, you kept it light. Nothing wrong with that...
Kiyotoe: You know NO ONE is as mysterious as Mist. She's the one blogger that we debate characteristics about offline. *didn't know that--did you mist*? Anyway, Dragon...I think most of the time you play "confused" in the blog world to allow other people to explore your thoughts. You expose a little of yourself--but never everything--so as to not deter your loyal readers...I think... :)
Skittles: Thanks for the Shout Out...I'm just now getting home...so I haven't seen it yet...I can't wait to see...you the first one besides the Dragon to give me a shout out... *blushing*
Poet Revolutionary!! I'm so glad you've decided to join us!! As stated earlier, this isn't a clinically-based assessment or anything, but I would say that your comments to the Dragon's post would place you in category #3. Between both of your comments, you dropped both the N-word and the H-word--which could have been offensive to some of the readers. At the same time, you explained a situation that you were in during college and were able to show us your views regarding that situation involving race AND that of your roommate; By the end of your comment, you admitted that you had been viewing things one-sided and you eventually came to understand both sides of your stories. To me...that equals learning/teaching...see...category 3.
Aisby: Thanks for stopping by! I love your blog, but I've been waiting for a new post...you put one up yet?? Ooops..off topic...
Having grown up on the south side of Chicago, I learned very quickly about lawless segregation. I believe that schools, families, communities, etc. act as small stages where we reenact life's big problems. Can't wait to check out your post on Racism!
Jeff: It's nothing wrong with keeping it light and breezy...you made a comment and you laced it in good humor---that's just a fact. I just thought it odd that mostly everyone who commented handled the topic a little diffently...doesn't make you a "bad person" for doing so...were you offended?
Stewart: I think a person's personality may contribute to how they formulate answers to questions. However, I don't believe that if the topic was about cats, dogs, or cartoons--the answers would have been the same. Overall, we were politically correct--which might not have shown our most genuine feelings. Those who made more candid comments took a greater risk. By being sooo honest...they left themselves vulnerable for real feedback--hence giving them an opportunity for real sharing...at least that's what I think...
Aisby: Glad you had a chance to read the Dragon's post and make a comment. I agree. I think that race "shouldn't" matter either, but for so many people it does--and always will. And, I don't think it's because they WANT it to matter, but as a minority most carry a physical difference that makes it easier to point out.
p.s. you really didn't think of a particular ethnic group when you read "brotha"??? What about sistah??
tomcat: I feel honored to have you in my comment section. I've had many conversations with friends and family about how time of such chaos and confusion--what would I have done. My observations and the categories I invented to categorize them--almost read like a continuum of racial development.
I think that it's normal for most to find themselves in one of those categories....
I listened to the speech on my way to work this morning. At first I was upset because I just accepted a position at a company that doesn't honor it as a regular holiday. Then, I was proud of myself. I remember a time when MLK was just another day off for me. For the last five (or so) years, I've come to understand and respect this holiday as more than a "day off" and participated in various celebrations. I've grown. I was moved to this revelation because someone made an insensitive comment about the importance of the day as a holiday. It made me think about the topic, the history, and my actions. Through an exchange that seemed to be offensive--came understanding. How could I expect people to respect and honor a holiday that I didn't respect or honor? My former co-worker taught me something--that I'll never forget. But, it took him being honest and candid (and a little offensive) to nudge me to think about things on a deeper level. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was--and that's a good thing.
talking about it...is the only way we'll get past the rough patches that the topic will inevitably create...or at least that's what I believe...
sorry for the book everyone!! :)
Thanks for all your comments!
Counselor - while I never saw the context from which this taboo subject has arisen, the answer is no, I would not have seen anything inherently racial in brotha or brother...but I must admit, I would have been surprised if a white woman wrote sistah.
You're black; you're white; you're category 1, 2, 3. Sounds like we're focussing on differences:)
I'm sure as blogging becomes a more researched endeavor, sociologists are going to start studying things like this. You are probably on to something!
Counselor. Thank you, and it's a pleasure to be here. Rest assured I'll be back.
aisby: Yay!! I got you to admit that there's at least one word (i.e. "sistah") that makes you think of race--even if it's briefly. IT'S NORMAL...don't be afraid to admit to that which is normal and/or obvious. What matters is how you respond to those differences.
As for how this topic began, I'll leave that to the Dragon...
Eyechan: I think I like you!! :)
The focus of this post wasn't on on "differences";Rather, it was about making "observations".
In fact, I think my observations show that regardless of a person's racial or ethnic group, we share similarities in how we approach the topic. Doesn't sound like you're looking for the "positives" in the post!! LOL :)
Liz: Thanks for stopping by again! I have to come check you out this week--this controversy has me a bit behind with my addiction... :)
Ah, touche ;)
Hi, Counselor.
I read your post earlier, but didn't quite know how to respond to it. I felt that the comments or reactions to the Dragon's post were being pigeonholed into categories, and that bothered me for some reason (I still don't know why).
I agree with the social desirability idea: we certainly don't want to be thought of as racists or bigots. But I think that my lack of personal experience with prejudice based on race (or sex for that matter) makes me unqualified to weigh in on the issue at hand--I just wrote what I felt.
I like reading your posts, though (and that isn't said lightly). :-)
hi, directed from the Dragons blog here.
I will have to disagree that there are only three categories in this situation. I don't feel that I fall into any of those.
A great blog you have written (typed) though. I made a comment on Dragons blog that people are too sensitive. If it wasn't intentional...let it go.
Just to clarify...I wasn't trying to say that there aren't words or phrases that make me think of certain races, but "brotha" just didn't strike me as one. I guess if I really read into it, I may have assumed a black man wrote it, but I wouldn't have immediately assumed so (but again, I didn't see the original post in context).
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