Thursday Thirteen: Post #3

The Counselor recommends: Thirteen Ways to become a Victim of Road Rage


1. While merging onto the interstate, wait until a fast car is coming by and hop out. You must maintain a speed of 35 at all times.

2. Don't waste time in the morning applying your make-up. It's imperative that you do this in morning traffic. Please don't pay attention if the car in front of you inches up--your lipstick has to be juuuuust right.

3. Remember...anyone who's anybody LOVES to be cut off in traffic--do your part!!

4. Are your children bad as hell? Have you refrained from any form of discipline from the day they were born? Well, wait no longer. Beat the living daylights out of your children in afternoon traffic! It's the latest craze. Don't put off today what you've done all these years! P.s. Don't worry about that green light..it means keep going...

5. Planning ahead is the 8th deadly sin. Take the opportunity at the toll booth to look through your purse, glove box, or pocket for change. To do anything else would be ridiculous.

6. When driving on a two-way highway at night, always drive with your fog lights. The only person who needs to see is you...as long as you can see...you can make sure you don't bump into all the cars that seem to be weaving as they approach your vehicle.

7. If you're in an accident and your car is stuck in the middle of the road. DO NOT PUT ON YOUR HAZZARD LIGHTS!! Dummy!! Then everyone will see you and that'll lessen your chances of being hit again.

8. Never allow what you're doing in your car to alter the speed that you normally drive. That's why they call it "fast food"--you can continue to drive fast--even while you eat your food. And, it's also widely encouraged to "drive-thru" traffic lights and stop signs if they forgot to give you the happy meal you ordered.

9. As a rule of thumb, always remember...People revel in autonomy. To assist the world in becoming better place, you must never buy car insurance. How else can you teach motorists the importance of being financially prepared for "unexpected" expenses?

10. If you follow any of the previous recommendations and someone hits your car, then GET OUT OF YOUR CAR AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE AND CUSS THEM OUT!!! If you're at fault, you have a right to be mad...after all...you're the one with the ticket!!

11. Ignore all signals for changing lanes...these people are violating the principle by which recommendation #5 was built.


12. When approaching an intersection with a 4-way stop sign, pick your favorite car and cross the intersection immediately after that particular car--hint: it's okay to make the first car that moves your favorite.

13. If there are signs indicating a lane is closing in "X" amount of feet, then you are obligated to ride the lane until there is clear evidence that you will die if you continue to go straight. At that point, naturally, you must cut someone off to avoid your own demise.

Isn't Driving Fun??

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Jeanette's Corner
2. Skittles Place
3. Claire
4. Jeff
5. Bug
6. Debo Blue
7. Liz


Wanna Join??
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
Visit the Blog Roll to the Right to View Other TT's!