Jabba Jaws

Growing up, my father (now deceased) had a variety of embarrassing nicknames for me. Among “stinker”, and “hamburger” was the infamous “Jabba Jaws”. Only those close to me know the appropriateness of that last nickname, ...in time some of you will find out it's significance... lol...


Anyway, as most of my readers know, I have quite a few concerns regarding air travel. And, due to the holidays, I was able to add yet another experience to my ongoing list…



Saturday morning was a hectic day for me. As usual, I waited until the wee hours of the morning before preparing for my flight to Chicago.

(side note: people who pack for their flight more than 6 hours prior to their trip are boring—and lack the stamina to handle self-inflicted stress…make that wrong a right and add that to your 2007 to-do-list)

Unfortunately, everything worked out as planned (I say that because I’ll continue procrastinate until I suffer the consequences of my behavior). I packed my luggage and The Dragon took me to the airport. It took me all of five minutes to check my baggage with the skycap and make it through security…. it had been confirmed…“I, not Ali, was the greatest of all time”

Time Check: 8:30 a.m.


I was scheduled to board my flight at 10:45am, but at 11:00 am, there wasn’t an agent to be found. To make a long story short, my flight was delayed to 2:00pm, 4:00pm, and finally 5:30pm. Eventually, I was placed on a flight leaving for Chicago at 5:46pm with a different airline altogether.

So…I know you think this blog is about my HORRIBLE experience with flight delays at the airport for the holidays, but you’re wrong. This blog is about the the adventures of Jabba Jaws at Hartsfield International Airport...

It was amazing. I had a wonderful time with people I didn’t even know. First there was Ann Marie (who was going to Oklahoma to be with her mother) and Annette (going to Dallas). We chatted like three old girlfriends--we talked about men, stereotypes in the black community, actors/actresses that couldn't act, and "relations". It was hilarious!! They kept telling me how funny they thought I was, but really I enjoyed their company twice as much. After they left me to board their flights (which were leaving as scheduled), some would have thought my fun would come to an end. Guess what?? It didn't!!

Jabba Jaws struck again! By 4pm, I had a gang that I bonded with… R.T., Jeff, Maggie, and Connie. We had a wonderful time!! We talked about EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY. We laughed until we cried! We had so much fun that we were almost saddened when we had to board our plane. Was the party over? Nope. Why? We all ended sitting in the same location and rows. We even learned that a couple of us would be on the returning flight together.

It was wonderful. So, wonderful that it got me to thinking. Why doesn't this type of thing happen more often? Are we so busy with our computers, cell phones, and cars that we've eliminated our ability to bond with other people? I had a ball with people I might have never talked to if my flight had left on time. As we laughed and joked, I noticed people who appeared envious of our joy. People who looked like they wanted to share, talk, and participate--but for some reason couldn't do it. Why is that?

So, I write this blog to say that many of us underestimate the importance of humor in our everday lives. I believe that it's NECESSARY in our relationships (i.e. romantic and platonic alike), our family circle, our workplace, etc.
I, especially after Saturday, have learned that humor and laughter can make some of the most trying situations enjoyable.

So, this holiday season…whether you are at home alone, with friends or family, with plenty of money or without…laugh. Find the humor and the joy around you and live life.

Sincerely,

Jabba Jaws

A MUCH NEEDED BREAK

Sorry fellow bloggers,

I'm on a mandatory break right now... If you'd like, please leave your email addresses in my comment section and I'll email you when a new post is available...If not, just check back next week...

Counselor

Christmas Carols

Skittles has tagged me! This MeMe is pretty simple: List (at least) five of your favorite Christmas tunes and tag (at least) five of your favorite blog friends to keep the MeMe going. Simple, huh?

My Favorite Christmas Songs

1. "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (I can really get obnoxious when I'm at five golden rings)
2. "Jingle Bell Rock" ( I can wear out any dance floor to this one...)
3. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (can't wait to see the cartoon this winter)
4. "Do you hear what I hear?" (I always think of Stevie Wonder during this song...don't ask)

and finally...for the grand finale...

I've decided to tag the following bloggers:

Mist1
Paz
The Dragon
Ms. Denva
Mimi

Something Special In the Air…

About four years ago, I had a horrible flight on Delta Airlines. Apparently, the pilot thought it was a great idea to fly over a tornado in Kentucky—and we almost died…literally.

Although I survived the incident, I continue to get very anxious when riding in a plane. Because my ego gets the best of me, I tend not to let it show on the outside—but on the inside—I’m a mess… :(

Which brings me to the point of today’s blog…

I believe that people (in general) can be annoying. Since my last flight, I’ve developed a theory: Annoying behaviors are magnified at higher altitudes.

Personally, I think the stress of wondering if you’ll make it to your destination in one piece is enough to occupy your time; Unfortunately, I have found that there a several “flying types” that drive you crazy enough to contemplate jumping off the plane without using your seat as a floatation device.

I have come up with a few “types” that I’ve identified:

Sneaky Rabbits- You’ve seen them before. They’re the ones who try to put their cell phones on silent—rather than shutting them off. They close the top of their laptops until the flight attendant passes their row…they go in the storage compartments while the
“seat belt” sign is still lit. Ughhhh!!!!

Jabba Jaws- Stevie Wonder can see that you’re sleepy, but this person can’t take the hint. So, with one blood shot eye and a pillow over your head…you listen to why they’re flying to wherever they’re going and what they do for a living; Silently, as you pray for your safety—you pray for all those who will be subject to this passenger’s mouth when they land…God Bless America...

Boss Hog- These people have the middle seat and feel entitled to use both arm rests. This forces one passenger (usually me) to remain smashed against the very window they’re afraid of falling out of throughout the entire flight. Or, it forces the aisle passenger to turn sideways in the aisle—so the flight attendants can run over their toes with those damn drink caddys. SHARE ALREADY!!

I could go on and on, but I realize that I’m on "the edge" from the moment I purchase my tickets online.

Happy Holidays….(one down and one to go!)

Whatcha Know about the Dirty South?

Today’s message is brought to you today by:



Despite the fact that there are no more “Saturday Morning Cartoons”, up until a few moments ago, I would say I was having a pretty good day. And then…. I decided to clean the house…. (* mentally--insert Halloween theme song here*)

Now, being the very busy person that I am, I feel very lucky that the Dragon doesn’t breathe down my back about certain parts of the house looking crazy until I can tidy it up on the weekends…which brings me to the inspiration of this blog…

As most of you know, I took on the challenge of trying to tame this fire-breathing dragon about three months ago. You knew, our parents knew, the mover’s knew….everybody knew….or at least that’s what I thought…

After opening a piece of mail that fell behind a couch (that flew under a chair that was tucked inside the sofa…you get the point) I find a forwarded piece of mail from Bellsouth (my previous phone company) stating that I had a balance of $80.XX due this month. Huh??

So, I had to have a talk with myself: It went something like this:

Me: “Self?”
Self: Yes
Me: Where did THIS come from?
Self: Your guess is as good as mine…
Me: This is a bill for Bellsouth…
Self: I know…
Me: I thought you had that disconnected at the end of August?
Self: I did! You were very serious with me too!!
Me: Self?
Self: yeah…
Me: If you had it disconnected, then how could you still be receiving bills?
Self: I don’t know
Me: Self?
Self: yeah…
Me: How could the bills have new amounts due? Self: I dunno
Me: Self? Do I have to call Bellsouth?
Self: looks like…
Self: I?
Me: yeah..
Self: good luck with that…

So, after going back and forth with myself…I decided to call Bellsouth…and that’s when I met him….

”Jerry” Representative 9376483292lmnop

Obviously, Jerry has taken the company up on their stock options this fiscal year…and is very serious concerning all transactions—after all, it is HIS money.

Anyway, I explained that I placed an order to disconnect the service three months ago and according to a bill that was forwarded to my new address-- it appears that the account was still active…(I thought that was a decent explanation of the events…)

For the next 20 minutes, “Jerry LMNOP” did a dance similar to MC HAMMER ALL OVER MY NERVES!! In a nutshell, I was a liar and I had “just made a payment in September”…In addition, “the system didn’t show that I had the service disconnected”…blah, blah, blah…

I tried to tell Jerry…I didn’t make a payment in September…because I thought the account was closed---like it was supposed to be…but he was STUCK.
He "SAW" a payment and couldn't get past the fact that I didn't make it!!

So…this message goes out to “Jerry Jerk” (his new nickname) Representative 9376483292lmnop


People steal phone service when it hasn't been disconnected
(you might see current activity on your screen)


A payment on a September bill was probably made in August…not September…!!!
(your company does that to show the customer that their payment has been received )

Somehow... (*picture me with a sharp pair of scissors and the cord in my hand*)
Jerry and I were disconnected.

I called back and spoke to a new Representative…

“Mrs. Hickman”

They’re going to forward the bill to my new address and once I fax them the information showing that I vacated my previous address on suchandsuch (that's a real word) date--I’ll be credited. In addition, she has placed the order to disconnect my service "effective immediately"...




Counselor tip of the day: Clean regularly.

Life Lesson 20-06

Okay…


Earlier this summer, I was involved in a major battle with Comcast. Things happened. Words were spoken. And, to make a long story short, I found myself without DSL…

*taking a breath to remember the pain of that moment*

…Anyway, I found myself in a jogging suit and a cute pair of flip-flops going to the library for internet access…I thought I was hopping in my car to retrieve a few “friendship” emails, get a few electronic “hugs”, and at least 3 emails cursing my immediate family and unborn children if I didn’t forward it to 43 people in 2 minutes…(after all, have you really arrived in the email world if you don’t have a few of these each week…LOL?)

Well people…it was soooo much more. Instead of checking email, I was in my car on my way to learn yet another lesson in the game of life…




Now, before I begin, I feel obligated to let you know this blog may be really descriptive because I need to set the scene…so you can TRULY understand my pain…so if you have something to do…. go do it…then come back…so you can give me your full attention…

Here goes…picture it…Sicily 1866…I mean…Atlanta, Georgia 2006…

The parking deck is full—so I’m forced to park under the library on the lower level. It’s daylight…and it’ll only take an hour tops…no big deal….right?

I take the elevator to the third floor and sit down at the computer. But there’s a username and ID required…I’ll just ask the people at the help desk and they’ll give it to me right? No big deal….

The help desk tells me that I have to use the code on my library card and set up a password…but that’s no big deal…I’m at the library…I don’t have my card, but I can go downstairs to the checkout counter and they can look it up right…that can’t be a big deal …can it?

So, I’m at the front desk filling out the paperwork for a new library card—because it was a big deal. I get a new library card and make up a pass code and I’m off to the third floor again…to show those computers what I’m made of…I’m ready to rumble…. right?




I begin walking towards the elevator and I realize that the library is very, very quiet. It’s like everyone disappeared. Well, almost everyone…

As I approached the elevator, there was a man walking in the entrance towards me. He had a bag on his back, but for some reason I was afraid. Only a few seconds passed before I realized that he too…was about to get on the elevator. What is a Counselor to do? The chicken in me told me to wait for the next elevator, but the socially conscious “you can’t be afraid of your own people” voice said…that’s ridiculous…and, needless to say…I got on the elevator.

The elevator opened… and I decided to stand in the front left corner…then the gentleman stepped inside…only…from the smell of him…this was no gentleman. *door closes*As I looked more closely, I notice his backpack was tattered and his clothes were seriously worn…oh…he’s homeless…no big deal…right? He probably has people afraid of him all the time—for no reason…humpfff!! Well not me….everyone can use a hello…after all, he IS human….

So, I pressed my button…looked at the floor indicator…and said it…”Hello” (in the friendliest voice I could muster)…

His response??? “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH …I WILL FUCK YOU UP!!!!”

Wow!!!
(you might need to read that again...it's a true story people... LOL)

Okay…I was REALLY scared at this point. Flip-Flops…not the best shoes for the fight of your life. An elevator…not enough space for the fight of your life…the list goes on and on….


I’ll address the dangers of this situation at a later date…for right now…it’s important that you remember the lesson that we’ve all learned, but ignore everyday….

Counselor tip of the day: Don’t talk to strangers.

Baby I'm a Star!!

After a "Pre-Katrina" visit to New Orleans, I developed a new respect for "The Tarot Card". Bumped into this link on a fellow blogger's page and thought I would post my results.
Feel free to check out the link and find out....

What is your Tarot Card....???

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

Take the Test to Find Out.

Girlfriends

Yesterday, like so many other days at the J-O-B, I found myself shooting the breeze in a co-worker’s office after only a few hours of work. As usual, the conversation went from one topic to the next—with very little remorse from any of its participants…
and then I was asked to give my opinion about a situation.

Well, needless to say, that conversation (in addition to Barb’s final comment on my last post) has prompted yet another rambling from the counselor on the topic of Girlfriends.

Over the years, I have grown to appreciate and truly value the significance of having “Girlfriends”. You see, to me, there’s no substitute for having a real girlfriend…
You know…the kind you can share ALL the details of your most embarrassing moments..and laugh—knowing they’ll carry the most horrifying details to their grave.

The kind that ALWAYS finds something uplifting or comforting to say…regardless of your situation…


The kind that makes you soooooo mad sometimes you could SCREAM……but you refuse to let’m go….because you can’t imagine life without them…

…friends…true girlfriends…

Okay.....here comes the Ramble....

Now that’s all fine and good. But how about my fellow bloggers who have bumped into those “girlfriends” who couldn’t be trusted as far as you could throw them? Or the kind that have been blessed with an inability to keep your (or their) business to themselves…you know the kind…and so does my co-worker...

What do you do when the "girlfriend" of yesterday has grown into someone totally different? When you begin to censor what you share with them and value their opinion less and less? Do you hang on to the relationship--pretending to still be very close? Or, do you let it go and savor all of the fond memories...??

It is for you...that I write this entry. I sincerely believe that people come into our lives for a distinct reason. Some are there for a season; Others are there for a lifetime; But, ALL serve a purpose.

Counselor tip of the day: It is not uncommon to be fearful of change, but often times the change that happens--is the change you need--in order to fulfill your destiny. Don’t stand in the way of your own growth. What is meant to last a lifetime—will-- if you step to the side, humble yourself and embrace the change.

forgiveness

For those who know me well, it comes as no surprise that my mind has been on overload lately. With my recent living arrangement, reunion with my estranged brother and sister, and recent change in employment—it seems impossible to be in any other state of mind.

Having said all of that, today’s topic has to do with the subject of “forgiveness”. In my lifetime, I have heard countless people suggest that one should “forgive—but don’t forget”. Until recently, that sounded perfectly logical. But as I try to incorporate that philosophy in my lifestyle, I find that it’s nearly impossible to do.

So, as usual, when “stumped”…I look for answers. Today, I looked to the American Heritage Dictionary to clear things up for me. Guess what? It confused me more! I began my search by defining the concepts in question. Below is a snippet of what I learned:

To forgive means to stop feeling anger for or resentment against.

To forget is to be unable to remember or call to mind.

Now, it seems pretty clear cut—but is it? I can’t think of anything in this lifetime that has pissed me off enough that I was either angered by it or resentful due to it…that I’ve been able to forget. Feelings of anger and resentment are TOO STRONG…to be forgotten. And, if you can’t FORGET what happened…are you capable of truly forgiving?

I mean…for that ex-lover who truly hurt you…. do you ever REALLY forgive him for it? Or, do you remember that pain vividly when you speak of the incident? And, if you can remember the incident vividly…. will you ever be able to forgive what was done to hurt you in the first place?

I’m willing to listen to a variety of opinions, but I must admit…I’m starting think that’s it’s practically impossible to do. Knowing what we know about the human brain, memory, and classical conditioning…it seems to be hard to swallow…or is it…?


Counselor tip of the day: Anger and Resentment are stains on the fabric of life. Once spilled—they are very difficult to remove. And often times, they can ruin your outfit. So remember to always be careful when eating at the table—the stain remover may not work.

I'VE BEEN TAGGED....

Okay....

This is my second time being "tagged". The first time, I made a mess of things. This time...I plan to do it right...

So here goes...

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Checker's Drive-Thru (I made the hamburgers...)
2. Mental Health Assistant at a Psychiatric Hospital (scary and fun)
3. Counselor at a Crisis Center
4. Clinician at a Learning Center (taught people how to read)

FOUR JOBS YOU WISH YOU'D HAD:
1. Stay-At-Home-Girlfriend (SAHG) sounds wonderful!! Great Idea... :)
2. Game Show Host
3. Secret Agent
4. Ford Design Team

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
1. The Color Purple
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. Love Jones
4. Stand by Me

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:

1. Chicago
2. Atlanta
3. Norcross
4. Decatur

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. The Apprentice
3. Oprah
4. General Hospital

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO:

1. Toronto, Canada
2. San Franscisco, California
3. Washington, D.C.
4. San Juan, Martinique, and Venezuela (sp?)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:

1. Wachovia Bank
2. Dragon 050376
3. Careerbuilder (shhh don't tell my supervisor!)
4. America Online

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:

1. Lobster
2. Tacos
3. Mashed Potatoes
4. Steak

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT:

1. Cottage Cheese
2. Pigs Feet
3. Bugs (not even for money...refer to previous post)
4. Cereal

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW:

1. A big, fat, juicy, red lobster...
2. uh..with butter sauce
3. and a baked potatoe
4. and steak....medium well...please...

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM:

1. A bed
2. Candles
3. A heater
4. a little red box

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM:

1. More closet space
2. A maid
3. Money under the mattress
4. Boris Kodjoe

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. A black turtleneck sweater
2. Pajama bottoms
3. Fuzzy Socks (they're really cute)
4. A locket

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

1. Chicago
2. Jersey
3. Italy
4. Bahamas

FOUR PEOPLE YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH:

1. My Dad (passed away years ago)
2. Oprah
3. Donald Trump
4. My brother

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW:
1. How early I have to wake up tomorrow
2. "Why doesn't he know how to iron pants?"
3. Why I'm still awake
4. I have homework to do

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS:

1. Talking on the phone
2. Reading
3. Shopping
4. Laughing

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG:

1. Pepper
2. Barb
3. Chitowngirl219
4. Kiyotoe

Whew!!
Counselor tip of the day: Anything worth starting--is worth finishing...Even if it kills you! LOL :)

AWTY?!?

If your childhood was anything like mine, then you can recall at least one road trip that was soooo long that it forced you to ask this question every 15 minutes. Well, I would like to take this time to apologize to my parents (and yours) for all the needless suffering we caused them on an already exhausting trip…

Now, that I’ve gotten that VERY IMPORTANT business out of the way…I will continue with my thoughts…

Anyway, after a long talk with my significant other—it got me to thinking about how often I ask myself this question on a day-to-day basis. In fact, I would dare to say that many of us ask this question in the same irritating way to most situations in our life—every 15 minutes.

Having just turned the big 3-0, I find myself wondering obsessively about where I’m “going” on this road of life. Just like many years ago, I have an idea—but it seems to be taking too long—or is it? I mean, when I think about the road trips I had…I think of all the car games, silly conversations, and (of course) the off-beat moaning (I can't bring myself to call it singing) to Culture Club, Madonna, Patti Labelle, Alexander O’ Neal and Kenny Rogers (…hey don’t laugh…my parents were strange birds…). When I think about the road trips to Washington D.C., Canada, Wisconsin Dells, and everywhere else my dad refused to get directions to—I realize that I learned as much about myself during the ride as I did once we arrived to our destination.

So, for any of you fellow bloggers who may be slightly impatient regarding your annual earnings, your relationship status, the same-ole family issues, or maybe…you’re actually sitting in the backseat of a car—and you find yourself asking a variation of this question…STOP. Please.


Counselor tip of the day: Enjoy the ride—as the road of life seems long and never-ending; but, we all know it isn’t.

bugged out

Okay, as most of you already know, I am a Chicagoan—through and through. Since moving to Georgia 10 years ago, I have made a mental list of all the things Atlanta, Decatur, Norcross, College Park, Riverdale (and every other city I’ve lived) could alter to make home more like “home”.

Prior to a few nights ago, I would have placed the need for food options surpassing the quality of the Waffle House—after 10pm at the top of the list. I might have even requested that a traffic fairy put a spell on all local drivers—giving them the “know-how” to navigate the road without killing us all. But, most important—I would have the word “shawty” removed from the native tongue…forever—again, until a few nights ago.

You see. A few nights ago—I was reminded of that which bothers me the most about Georgia. The trees. Now I know you’re confused—so let me explain. You see, the trees are a symbol of all that ails my heart and soul—“outside”. You see, all my life I’ve been waiting to move to a place with an “outside” that didn’t consist of bugs. As you’ve probably guessed, I have yet to find such a place. Anyway, this “outside” thing pisses me off because EVERY animal, bug, etc. that lives in it—in my humble opinion—wants to be INSIDE. So, I have the pleasure of spending 30% of my lifetime trying to keep things that belong “outside” from coming “inside” my home.

Which leads me to the inspiration of this blog. On one of the most important nights of the week (Thursday @ 9pm…Grey’s Anatomy), I was being held hostage to a GINORMOUS, GARGANTUBIG, LARGEANTIC bug. Normally, I keep spray on hand for these kinds of situations, but on this particular night—my feelings of inadequacy were far too strong. For the first time in my life, I think I felt my heart tremble with fear. After calling several captains, cursing and crying (I’m real ashamed about that one)—FINALLY someone came to save me. I would tell you the rest, but I’m getting scared all over again…

Counselor tip of the day: If you have friends to call on and people that love you—even when you’re being ridiculous, then you’ll always be at home.

Transitional Living

This time last year I worked for a program called “Transitional Living”. In this program, I helped young adults ages 18-21 make the transition from living in foster care to living independently in the community. And, like most jobs, it had its advantages and disadvantages.

After celebrating my 30th year of survival, I have found myself trying to squeeze the meaning out of every moment that I’m alive—in hopes to understand my friends, this world, and myself a little better than I did the day before. In doing so, I find myself reflecting back to the program that I used to live, breathe, and eat…Transitional Living. It occurred to me that life is about transitions. Whether you’re changing jobs, changing lovers, or changing your clothes—Life is about change. If you are not properly prepared for the transition---you may find yourself “lost in the shuffle” of life.

I spent five years of my life teaching the art of transition without ever REALLY being prepared for some of the transitions headed my way.

Counselor tip of the day: Practice what you preach; Allow yourself to be flexible enough to understand that the way you’ve “always done things”—may not work during times of transition. Transition doesn’t call for you to behave the same way in a different situation; rather, it calls for you to have the courage to do something different. Adaptation is the birth mother of transition and change is the twin sister of life.

Question: Who’s the babies’ daddy? :)

the proof is in the pudding

Several years ago, in a sociology class, I was told that over 80% of African-American women would spend their lives single—with no prospects for marriage. According to our text (and professor), most eligible black males would be in prison, a victim of homicide, or in a meaningful relationship—with another male.

Although these are the most prominent explanations for the increase in single black women, some of my closest friends would offer other reasons for the phenomena. They, like most women of color, would argue that there is a shortage of “good” men rather than a shortage of “eligible” ones. They would say that men are dishonest, threatened by their independence, or incapable of handling a committed relationship.

Like many of my friends, I have had my share of “man problems”. Fortunately, as I’ve grown older, I see things with a little more clarity than before. Like some of my friends, I blamed men for most of the issues in my relationships—and ignored my part. Now, with very little reservation, I believe it’s time to share what I know to be true about being single and the mistakes we (women of color) make to keep us single.

In my opinion, there is only one rule to happiness: Be Honest. It sounds simple, but once you begin to practice it—you recognize that it can be very challenging. Years ago, I read a book that said that “we hate in others those things we don’t see in our selves”.

In the past year, I have listened to countless stories from some of my most cherished friends and family members. As with most friends, we share the “ups” and “downs” of our relationships. With each call, I have found myself getting more and more annoyed. Initially, I didn’t know why each one of my friends were able to make me RAVING MAD!
(things that make you go...hmmmm.....)

With each call, I found myself upset with all the “crap” they were taking—then I realized….it was me. Okay…maybe not the same stories…or the same extremes….but me nevertheless….

Here are some words of wisdom gathered from a road less traveled…

Don’t shape what you’re looking for around what you have found.

People show you who they really are in how they treat you—believe them the first time.

If it’s not working for you—don’t work so hard for it. It’s probably not worth it.

Love takes time—Fools rush in

Carry yourself with the respect you demand from others

Its okay to be single—cause you’re never really alone

Finding love is easier than maintaining it—don’t be too proud to humble yourself.

Be sure you’re able to give as much as you want in a relationship.

NEVER date someone who yells and/or curses at you—it will escalate

Don’t pretend to be happier than you are—you will NEVER fool those who truly know you.

The Counselor

C.Y.A.

If you're new to the workforce, then you may not know what C.Y.A. means. For us seasoned "vets", it becomes a way of life. You see, it's amazing that while some of us are in the pursuit of happiness there are others are trying to keep us from it.

Now, many of you are probably wondering..."What the hell happened to her today at work?", but the truth is it's happening to lots of people EVERYWHERE at work. All over the U.S. there are millions of working Americans PISSED OFF everyday they go to work. So, it's for those people that I write this entry.

Are you a supervisor PISSED OFF because you have a group of employees who want to get paid on time, but won't report to work on time?

Are you an employee PISSED OFF because your supervisor talks to you like you're Developmentally Disabled?

Are you a young professional working in a place with people twice your age--who think they're better at their job just because they're twice your age?

Do you spend most of your time helping your supervisor with his/her job just so their screw-ups won't make yours more difficult?

Are you tired of arguing about new changes in policies with co-workers and supervisors---when you just read it in the mass email sent to EVERYONE?

Spending all your time raising other people's children? Don't get mad-- call DFCS
(Department of Family and Children Services)

If you can relate to any of these work dilemmas, then I honestly feel your pain. There's nothing worse than working with incompetent people. Because every business is laced with them, there's only one way to survive. COVER YOUR ASS.



Yep. C.Y.A. and T.C.B.


I love Mondays...don't you?

The Counselor tip of the day: Any job worth having is worth completing with integrity. Those who fall short of the expectations, are more likely to place blame. Make sure that your quality of work is well-known by others--and that you have a paper trail that corroborates it.

ENEMY OF THE STATE

I know you all have been anxiously awaiting another update on my experiences at the new job. Today, I would like to explore the staying power of politics in the workplace.

Whether you work at Miki D’s or at The Coke-a-Cola Corporation, every decision is delicately wrapped in red tape and political agenda. I, like most of you, am working for such a place.

What’s the big hoopla about “getting on with the state” anyway? You have to pay top dollar for a Health Insurance PPO plan, budget cuts occur annually, you have to have 75 years of service before you get a certificate, AND, let’s face it, the pay isn’t all that great…

This brings me to wonder why I go to work everyday and why are all those other people there too—greeting me at the door….

Some might tell you that they love what they do; others will say it’s because they are afraid to leave what they know; However, I’m certain that it comes down to a five-letter word: B-I-L-L-S.

As the ladies of Destiny’s Child once said, “Can you pay my bills?” I believe that each night before going to sleep you should ask this of your present employer. If the answer is yes, then take your butt to work. If not, take your butt to work anyway (then job search on your off days)…. but I digress…

Where was I going with this? Red tape and political agendas…hmmm…
Well, I’m not sure, but I know they pissed me off last Friday because the ITS department refused to reset my office phone without an "official email from my supervisor" saying it was okay to do so.




I don't mean to be overly critical or a little cocky...BUT who would lie to leave a voice message that could lead to more work if they didn't need to?

My supervisor wants our division to have a group lunch where we bring a picture of ourselves at the same ages of the clients we work with and share stories…. I’d rather have a party and invite ITS so I can get my shit!!!

Am I being a team player?


Counselor tip of the day: Entrepreneurship opens the door to sanity. If you don’t make the time to find the door, you will certainly go crazy.

State of Confusion

Rescue
Activate emergencies
Call
Extinguish or Evacuate

Focus
Analyze problem-solving
Develop
Execute

Okay, as I mentioned in a previous "rambling", I have just accepted a new job with the State of Georgia. As with most jobs, my first week has been loaded with various trainings. Although I have only been at the job for two days, I have had the pleasure of having almost 12 hours of training.

Q: Counselor? What are they teaching you?

Psssh.....all kinds of stuff. I have acronyms and "buzz words" coming out of the wazoo. I don't know if I'm coming or going...and I haven't even had CPR and First Aid yet....

(Did I mention that I still don't know the specifics of my job yet?)

I know one thing....there better be a bomb threat or something else

Now, If you're anything like my mom or my significant other, you may be wondering about the details of my job description. Unfortunately, fellow bloggers, I have not had a training breaking down those details--as of yet. Although I don't know about my day to day tasks, I am well-versed on "internet policies", "bomb threat procedures", and customer satisfaction

(special thanks to Traniner X for sharing the riveting video entitled "Give'm the pickle!").

I had the pleasure of meeting with my supervisor for the first time since being interviewed. During our meeting, she made a point to pass on several forms that would be helpful to me. I must admit, it was kinda scary--like I was never going to see her again--and needed to get everything within the hour.

Anyway, she set appointments with me for my 10 day "competency review" and my 45 day "compentency reveiw"....

when they begin to hold me accountable, I sure hope I'm aware of the the location and phone extension to my office....maybe I should look at my training schedule...be right back...

To Be Continued...

Counselor tip of the day: Value the information you're given about people and situations--whether given orally or indirectly. They will always give you a clear picture of what's really going on...Use that picture to help prepare you for the tests that lie ahead.

Points to Ponder...

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Love is Blind

Beauty is Only Skin Deep

The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side

If You're not Part of the Solution,Then You're Part of the Problem

You Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch Yours

Anything Worth Having is Worth Fighting For

Stand For Something or Fall for Anything

Blood is Thicker than Water

Look Out For Numeral Uno...

Mahatma Gandhi: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Katherine Hepburn: Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only what you are expecting to give.

Peter Ustinov: Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.

Erich Fromm: Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

Rabbi Julius Gordon: Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less

Henry David Thoreau: Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love.

Pat Riley: There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or out. There's no such thing as a life in-between

Counselor tip of the day: For clarity on issues regarding love, commitment, and change, take inventory of your belief system regarding each topic. When you operate outside of your belief system, confusion is inevitable. During those times, you only have two options: Re-vamp your belief system so that it incorporates your situation or change your situation so that it incorporates your beliefs; Either way--clarity begins with you.

Permanent Markers

Okay...This seems weird, but have you ever looked at the face of a parent when they realize that their child has a permanent marker in their hand?

Sounds silly, but its a look of TOTAL FEAR. What's even more hilarious is if they catch the child with the top off the marker...Its like watching a hostage negotiation...."Timmy....(in a soft voice)....You don't want to do this...It seems fun now....but you LOVE the color on mommy's walls ....remember sweetie?...."

Growing up, I never understood why parents got in such a tizzy over inanimate objects--markers, pens, glue, scissors, etc. Hell, kids don't come out wanting these things--parent's force these items on them and then get upset when they want to use them obsessively.

Well, anyway, I was thinking about this a few moments ago and I've decided that the reason parents get so upset about permanent markers is because as a society we don't like the idea of something being "permanent". The use of a pen, marker, or glue in the wrong place at the wrong time can cause a permanent change that a parent isn't really ready to accept.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Permanent Markers

Abstractly speaking of course, Life is a wall. As most people come and go, they leave a word or two for you to remember them by. Of these people, there are only a select few who are bold enough to use permanent markers. These are the people who have found a way to disregard our disapproving looks when we see them running around our lives with the tops off of their markers....

Just as our parents were scared of the changes we would make to their walls, often we're worried about the changes others will make to ours. Some of us use this worry to keep people at a distance--so they can't reach our wall. Some of us hide our true emotions--so they can never find our wall. And others of us are so dizzy from chasing people with markers (trying to make them write something worthwhile) --we leave our walls vulnerable to graffiti.

I think i'm lucky. I have had the pleasure of loving a number of people who transcended the title of family members, significant others, and friends. Instead, they are my "permanent markers". Although I may not always agree with the messages they have left on my wall, I love each of them indefinitely--for having the guts to stand out above the rest--and leaving me with something to always remember them by.

Counselor tip of the day: Please be careful what you "write" on other people's "walls"--the messages you leave may last longer than you think.

Paper Chase

After working as an independent contractor for a crisis intervention team for the past eight months, I decided to apply for a job with the State of Georgia on a whim. Now, I'm not sure if any of you have had the opportunity to work for a state agency, but I can honestly say--this has been an ordeal...

Today, I went to complete some "paperwork". I was told that it should take about 2 hours, but surely they didn't really mean hours...right?

Have you ever heard of that book "Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten" ?
... Well, I think I'm gonna make a killing with my new book entitled, "Everything I need to know I learned from the State of Georgia"...Let me share a few of my lessons:

LESSON#1: Ask now or find out later...

Parents and Grandparents say some of the dumbest things. You know, "a watched pot never boils", "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt", "if ________ jumped off a bridge would you too?",etc.
Like most children, I learned that each of those dumb sayings made sense--in some small way.

Today, I woke up at 8:30 am for a 10am appointment (yes, to fill-out paperwork). Because I only live 10 minutes from my destination, I figured if I left at 9:30 a.m. I would have plenty of time to arrive early. Being a professional road warrior, I used my god-given talents to navigate the mean streets of Georgia with ease and minutes to spare.

I asked to speak with my contact from the Human Resource Dept. only to learn she wasn't at that location....hmm...that's strange... No big deal. Right? Besides, when we scheduled our appointment, she didn't mention that I would have to meet her at an alternate location--so, of course...the meeting is here...this is where my application was sent, this is where I filled out my first stack of papers, this is where I interviewed--here. Right?

After waiting for ten minutes, the receptionist informed me that I would have to go to the personnel department to fill out the additional paperwork. She called my contact person and informed her that I was on my way. My contact person (Ms. X) sent her apologies for not telling me the location of the meeting. No big deal. Right? Before I left, I was given the location.
The address was across the street from my home.
What's that saying again?.... When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Thanks Mom....



LESSON #2: People mean what they say...

As I reflect on the hours of torture I endured this morning, I realize that most of it was MY fault. The first mistake I made occurred before I got out of bed this morning. When Ms. X (confidentiality is key) offered me the position and we set-up a time to complete paperwork--I somehow downplayed what she meant by "2 hours".

You see, somehow I thought she really meant....make sure you clear your schedule for about two hours--you won't need that much time, but better safe than sorry. Then, I thought...the two hour time period was strategically added in dialogue to address "special " new-hires. (You know, the ones who like to schedule back to back appointments, don't have 20/20 vision, speak with a lysp, suffer from incontinence, etc.--to give them extra time to complete the task).
After giving my fingerprints, emergency contacts, completing my w-4, and 4pg medical history form, I was cleared to complete the "Are you a murderer", "Do you touch children", and "Are you a liar" forms. I was then given insurance info, 401-k Info, and paperwork for a drug test--that needed to be returned by the close of business today....

Question: Counselor, how long did it take you to complete the paperwork today? Answer: 2 hours.

LESSON #3: Good men are hard to find...

I know, you all are sick of me talking about my two hour experience. I just can't help myself. You wanna know why? Because it was really a THREE HOUR EXPERIENCE!!! Yep. You heard me. (Please refer to lesson number 2 and then Lesson 1)
The last piece of paper I was given requested a drug screening...which was at another secret location. After going there, taking the test, and returning the paperwork (which was due by the end of the business day)--total time served was one additional hour. As I reflect, Ms. X said it would take 2-hours to complete paperwork.

Anyway, on with this last point, once I arrived at the drug testing site, I was greeted by the nicest man. He was a little older than I prefer (approximately 65 years old). He had what appeared to be head of soft, thinning hair and a arthritic band around his knee. I assumed that he was athletic (Lesson 1 takes a lifetime to learn) by the way he wore his socks to his knee caps (soccer--maybe??). Anyway, we learned a lot about each other during this "pressured tee-tee break". I know what kind of car he drives, how many miles he gets in the city, I learned that he just lost his wife to cancer, etc. He learned quite a bit about me as well--my age, what kind of car I drive, where I'm from originally, why I moved to GA, how long I've been here, and that I may have drank too much Sprite today....

The point is....he was a really nice guy and I'm sure there's some older lady in Atlanta who doesn't know where to find him! He's surveying tee-tee non-stop...and has become hard to find. (I think he had the nerve to be flirting a bit too!) I'm in a relationship now, but if my guy slips up....I'm buying myself a liter of water and I'll be gone for about an hour--to meet an old flame.

Counselor tip of the day: Education is Forever

To Be Continued...

Sick, Tired, and Sleepy

Have you ever been sick, tired, and sleepy all at the same time? Well, prior to today, I would have thought that it was IMPOSSIBLE to have three conditions simultaneously...



Condition #1: Sick

After getting 3.5 hours of sleep last night, I was fortunate enough to wake up this morning to begin my day at work. Today's task required me to wake up at 6:45am so I could arrive in Franklin, GA by 9:30a.m. Usually, I find myself feeling alive and alert while battling rush-hour traffic, but today was different. I felt sick. Not the "pregnant sick" or the "go to the bathroom sick"--a different kind of sick. The kind of sick that made it difficult for me to sit up straight. If I had to create an adjective to describe this feeling it would be "pissedizzy". There it is.... "pissedizzy sick". I was so pissed off that I had to wake up that early...it made me dizzy! While my head was spinning, all I could think about was filling up my gas tank over the weekend....what's that all about?



Condition #2: Tired
I'm tired of my phone ringing constantly. I HATE ALL PHONES. Why do people have to call? I know it sounds shady, but I don't really understand the purpose unless I'm the one initiating the call. I mean--isn't that why we have email and text paging? Someone besides me thought it would be a great idea to be able to communicate with people without having to hear or watch their annoying little lips move up and down--right?....

For the past 3 weeks I've been providing crisis counseling to an adoptive family. Four days ago the parents decided that they were not going through with the adoption because of the young person's tantrums. Although I get paid to understand, there's a large part of me that doesn't. I'm tired of people starting something they can't finish--especially when it affects the mental health of a child....



Condition #3: Sleepy

I'm sooo sleepy I've been trying to take naps while I blink. I almost had an orgasm walking past my bed --the thought of getting in it was way too arousing---

Some people would just go to bed, but I can't. Instead, here I am....sitting in front of this computer screen sharing intimate thoughts regarding my day.

Why has thou forsaketh me?



Counselor tip of the day: Doing too many things at once can drive you crazy!

Till Death Do Us Part

Yesterday, I found myself caught up in another thought-provoking episode of "change your life t.v." starring Oprah. The show topic was about the lies that people tell themselves prior to getting married. This topic got me thinking so hard--it almost made my head hurt. That's when I realized that this country is in a state of absolute confusion about marriage and family.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm an expert on the topic of commitment and marriage, but I have had my share of monogamous relationships. Watching shows like "What about Brian", "Grey's Anatomy", and now "Oprah" are making me doubtful if there is a possibility of healthy/monogamous relationships anymore.


What used to be "jitters" are now being referred to as "whispers from God" telling you to head for the hills! For those already in relationships, the expectation is that when the sex is boring and the kids aren't babies anymore...maybe we should have sex with other people--so we can hate each other later. And, for those poor unfortunate souls who are nowhere near marriage (like poor Meredith on Grey's Anatomy), you are doomed to a life of cheap, drunken sex with various men searching for something that will only make you more miserable in the end....a long-term relationship.

At this rate, in five years, the sacrament of marriage will only be made available to those in prison--as an alternative to lethal injection.


Often times, I question love. I wonder if it's suppose to be this fun. Should I feel this comfortable? Is it okay for me to act this silly? Was it suppose to take this long? Should it be this complicated? Should I care this much? Is it okay for someone to make you this angry? Is this the sacrifice I need to make? Is this an issue that I can't deal with?...the list goes on....


During these self-inflicted inquisitions, I always come back to the same question...Have you ever been this happy or this content? And, my answer is always "no". Having said that, I realize that I'm a hopeless romantic. I believe when love has truly found you nothing can tear it apart. At the tender age of 29, I have learned that love and friendship can't exist without each other. I believe that real love can't exist without friendship and real friendship can't come about without true love.


So, this week's advice from the counselor is simple: If you're looking for a loving relationship, then look at your closest friends: If all of your closest friends are of the same sex--you're doing something wrong...